Read this instruction: "Don't think about a purple elephant."

What did you just picture? A purple elephant.

That single, slightly silly example explains one of the most important and most overlooked truths in coaching, teaching and parenting. The words we use don't just describe what we want - they shape what actually happens. And used carelessly, they can reinforce the exact behaviour we're trying to change.

This article explains why, and how getting the language right transforms how effectively anyone - a coach, a teacher, a parent - can help someone learn.

Quick Summary

The human brain can't process a negative instruction without first imagining the thing it's told to avoid. Tell someone "don't hit it into the net" and their brain pictures the ball in the net. So any instruction beginning with "don't," "not" or "instead of" risks reinforcing the very thing you're trying to prevent. Clear, direct, positive language - "aim high over the net" rather than "don't hit the net" - is dramatically more effective, especially with children.

The Purple Elephant Problem

Here's the basic cognitive science, and it's simple: we cannot imagine something without first imagining it.

To process "don't think about a purple elephant," your brain has to conjure the purple elephant and *then* try to dismiss it. The image comes first, every time. It's unavoidable - it's how human cognition works.

Now apply that to a tennis court. Any instruction that starts with "don't," "not," or "instead of" first brings about a moment where the listener pictures exactly the wrong thing:

•        "Don't hit it into the net" → they picture the ball in the net

•        "Don't double fault" → they picture the double fault

•        "Don't be nervous" → they focus on the nerves

When you're working in skill acquisition, this matters enormously. A little word like "don't" is far more powerful than it looks - because it can actively reinforce the behaviour you're trying to eliminate.

Why Children Are Especially Vulnerable

This affects everyone, but children most of all, for a few reasons.

Their concentration isn't as sustained, so they're more likely to mishear an instruction in the first place - catching only "run" when the coach said "don't run."

And children act more instinctively, letting their lower, more primitive "lizard brain" take control of their thoughts and actions. In that state they're far less able to sift through the complexities and subtleties of language to extract the meaning intended. A negative instruction, half-heard and processed by an instinctive brain, very often produces the exact opposite of what was wanted.

It would be wrong, though, to think this is only a children's problem.

It Happens to Adults Too

There's no reason the same thing can't happen with adults.

In a busy group environment with noise and movement, an adult can mishear an instruction just as easily. And adults regularly drop into that same lower, instinctive brain - both when they're learning something new and when they're competing under pressure. In that state, an adult is just as unable to decipher a complex instruction or catch a subtlety of language as a child is.

Anyone who's frozen on a big point, or gone completely blank trying something new, knows the feeling. Under pressure, the thinking brain goes offline - and negative, complicated instructions are exactly what fails to land.

The Solution - Clear, Direct, Positive Language

The human brain craves positive, concrete images. So the fix is to give it them.

Every instruction should be clear, direct and positive - describing what *to* do rather than what to avoid:

•        Instead of "don't run" → "stop" or "walk"

•        Instead of "stop talking" → "silence, please"

•        Instead of "don't hit it so hard" → "softer" (not "less hard" - what does that even mean?)

•        Instead of "don't hit it into the net" → "aim high over the net"

Each positive version gives the brain a clear image to move towards, rather than a forbidden image to wrestle with. It works far more reliably, and it works fastest exactly when it matters most - with young players, and with anyone under pressure.

Three Things Every Instructor Should Remember

Whenever you're giving an instruction - as a coach, a teacher, or a parent - it's worth remembering that the person in front of you:

1.     Might not be listening - their focus could be elsewhere entirely

2.     Could be distracted - by noise, movement, nerves or the game itself

3.     Might be in their lizard brain - instinctive, and shut off to complex or subtle information

Given all that, the instruction has to cut through. Which means: keep it simple, make the objective clear, phrase it positively - and don't mention the purple elephant.

What This Means for You or Your Child

This principle shapes how we communicate in every session, and it's genuinely useful for parents too:

•        Our coaches give clear, positive, direct instructions - so players know exactly what to aim for, not just what to avoid

•        We're careful with language precisely because we know how much it affects what a player actually does

•        If you're supporting your own child's tennis, the same rule transforms how much help you're really giving: tell them what to do, not what not to do

It's a small shift in wording with a large effect on learning. Once you notice how often instructions are phrased as negatives - and how often they backfire - you can't unsee it. So keep it positive, keep it clear, and leave the purple elephant out of it.

See It in Practice

Positive, precise language is part of a wider coaching philosophy built around how people genuinely learn - through feel, through discovery, and through clear communication. Our programme pages explain what our sessions look like on court, and you're always welcome to come and see the approach for yourself.